This month I have been extremely M.I.A. Just ask my mom, who I’m pretty sure thinks I must be dead or involved in a drug ring due to my absence. However, I am not dead and am still 20 years sober from drug use. I am hooked on another type of habit-forming substance: school. This month has been crazy hectic. Not only am I ambitiously taking 16 units this semester (that’s 6 classes for those who don’t know), but I’m also maintaining my part-time job at the pet store and my social life, including having a serious boyfriend. That eats up approximately twenty eight out of the twenty four hours I have in the day.
The last two weeks have been eaten up by midterms and speeches. On the first week of midterms I had one midterm every day I was at school, then the next week I had a speech and midterm on one day and another exam a day later. Needless to say I can still tell you everything you need to know about how to give a persuasive speech and what Aristotle’s view on rhetoric is. Which is useless information, but hey, I guess I need to know it. Luckily I had to help of my two best friends, Pip and Milo, to help me along the way.
There hasn’t been much time for fun activities to write about, so instead I’ve been filling my time with thinking about the scary and daunting thoughts about what I’m going to be doing with my life. When one takes approximately six exams in the span of 10 days, you start to ask yourself if it’s all worth it. “Why am I taking this class? Why do I need to know how to measure light? Why do I care about Hitler’s view on propaganda? Is this really what I want to do?” When you’re a communications major who is more passionate about mammals than anything else but is terrible at science, you start to doubt yourself immensely. I began to wonder if I’m ever going to find a job that I really enjoy, or if I’m just going to end up as an HR rep in a company I can’t stand, a la Toby Flenderson in The Office (which has been my saving grace these past few weeks).I found myself googling “animal advocacy jobs for communications majors” far too often than I should have. It has just made me more depressed seeing how sparse these jobs actually are. But I couldn’t dwell on those thoughts for too long, I had work to get done.
I started to think of way I could make a difference in my life today that could help me live the life I want to. For instance, regardless of how tired I am, I attend every class meeting of all of my classes and study more than usual. I want to get the best grades possible, just in case one day I find a moment of clarity and realize that being in school for twenty years is finally worth it. I have also made some changes non-academically, I have begun to try to be more conscientious about the way I contribute to the world and affect it.
I have decided that I am going to try and be vegetarian. After months of debating it I feel that some one who, like me, cares about the environment and critters. Not only am I not consuming meat that has been slaughtered pretty inhumanely, and it also reduces my carbon foot print. So in the past two weeks I’ve only eaten meat a handful of times and I feel really great! Still tired, still over worked, but at least not hungry!
So since school has started, I have gone through many ups and downs. It has been a really crazy time for me but I’m powering through. All of these questions I have I know are just temporary but it’s still tough. I know it’ll be worth it because the decisions I make now are going to guide me through the rest of my life. So here’s to not falling asleep in class and getting sleep on occasion!